I am Bettina.
I was born into a wealthy family in Muyenga.
Our secondary school had a music room that housed the chorus and band department. I was in the chorus, and my ex-husband, Gerald, was in a band so we would cross paths often.
I had a friend who was also in the band so I would be in their class just to pass time during the day.
As we started to share day-to-day experiences, we learned that he lived about 2KM from my grandmother, in Kisaasi.
After he graduated from university (he is older), we spoke via Facebook and eventually exchanged numbers. It started as a simple crush and it blossomed from there.
I saw a more mature and serious side outside of high school, which made me like him romantically.
We dated for three years and decided to get married.
And our married life was great at first. We had lots of good times—bad ones too—but we were like best friends.
But then, I started to notice behavior changes. You see, I never thought anything of some of the signs that now, in hindsight, I should have absolutely paid attention to (he became extremely guarded, he wouldn’t walk ten steps without making sure he had his phone, etc).
My breaking point came on a trip to Fort Portal for a wedding of a mutual friend that I actually had to invite myself to. I found the invitation in the couch and after my suspicions, I told him I would be attending with him.
And he was pissed. We arrive to the wedding location and at this point, I had taken note of all his behavior changes mentioned above.
Well, suddenly, he had to run outside to the car for something, and he left his phone. I grabbed it and decided to take the journey down the rabbit hole again.
I saw that he was texting an unknown number, which of course, I searched through first. They were exchanging multiple penis pics, engaging in inappropriate conversations about what they would do to each other, how, what they each like sexually—you know, just really raunchy, rogue stuff.
I put the unknown number in my phone, called, and a guy answered. After a bit of small talk, I blatantly asked, “Are you sleeping with my husband?”
“No,” he said. “I know him, but I have been talking to a girl from this phone number.”
A girl?! This is my husband’s number, this is his phone.
“OK, well, do you have any pictures, can you send me a picture of who you’ve been speaking with from this number?” I asked. He agrees. We hang up, and I wait on the picture. Shortly afterwards, it comes through and I open the message.
And ladies, there I was. Everything he described. My pictures. My nudes.
I didn’t know what sick shit my ex-husband was into, or what was going on, but I decided right then and there, I wasn’t going to sit around and find out. It was time to go.
I shared the news with only one of my siblings. A lot of my family found out about my body being exposed, and the mental abuse when I posted my YouTube video.
My parents didn’t know anything was going on until we were actually going to court for a domestic abuse case (yeah, that was another component to this train-wreck relationship). That’s also when our divorce process began. But for the most part, no one ever suspected my ex-husband was gay.
Or at least, they’ve never expressed so to me.
Because of the popularity of my YouTube video, I’ve gotten lots of ridicule online and in my personal life, and you know, I can’t say that I blame anyone for the constant questioning of “how did you not know?” And to put it simply, no one has lived my life and no one experienced what I have with my ex-husband.
Being manipulated and mentally and physically abused is a thing many people can’t escape. But I did, guys. I did.
And most of all, uncovering who he truly was did not happen at once. And to this day, the people who knew about his lifestyle protected it but thinking that he was just playing or that it was a phase, which was even more hurtful to me.
My advice to fellow women
A man who needs a partner of the same sex will never be fully satisfied with you. Women deserve to be loved, reassured, wanted, and refueled. Women need to feel safe and if he doesn’t give you that feeling, he’s not the one, my girl. If he’s given you an idea that he may be a part of that lifestyle and you are not in support of it, leave.
A lying man becomes angry when questioned too much, a red flag that I blamed myself for. So, never blame yourself, just remove yourself. Remember that moving on with your health and joy is the end goal, and it doesn’t take an uncertain man to do it.
Ultimately, I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I ever knew I was. I overcame the hardest part of my life, and I’ve been rewarded ten times over with my amazing family now.
Names and places have been changed