Here is relationship advice you should ignore

Any time you hear relationship advice, you have to ask yourself if that’s right for you. Only you know what goes on inside your relationship.

Only you really knows how you and your partner work. You’re also the only one who understands your tolerance for certain dynamics, or fully understands your partner’s intentions and values.

Not every piece of relationship advice is for everyone, even some advice that would generally seem good. Here is some relationship advice you should not take seriously.

Play hard to get

That’s one of the quintessential pieces of advice from this general category of garbage advice. That’s one we’ve all heard before, and it’s so juvenile. But it’s a symbol of the type of advice I’m talking about. It’s the advice that implies that romantic partners are competitors, rather than teammates, and that a relationship is about being in control rather than helping each other out. It’s a tyranny rather than a democracy.

Keep him guessing

“Make him always wonder if he could lose you,” “Make him work for it.” These are in the same family—the idea that a man should never fully feel secure in the fact that he has you. But that is so unhealthy, and nobody winds up happy there. Two truly happy people are two people who say, “I’m fully yours and you’re fully mine and I want to make you feel secure in that.”

A little jealousy is a good thing

If your partner isn’t capable of feeling jealousy about you, well, that’s not good. But you should not be out there trying to elicit jealousy in the poor guy. If you need to make your partner jealous in order for you to feel he desires you, then either A) he doesn’t make you feel wanted enough or B) you’re just insecure.

Fighting is healthy

If a fight must be had because two people genuinely are at odds and feel their needs aren’t being met, then, yes it’s healthy that the fight happens. But usually, people who say, “Fighting is healthy” are implying that it’s okay if you’re in an explosive relationship full of turmoil. And that is not okay.

Maintain some mystery

Meh, I mean if you want to, you can. But some couples have fun letting it all hang out. Some couples feel closer for using the toilet with the door open and popping each other’s zits. If you’re not comfortable with that, okay. But if you actually like that type of intimacy, don’t hold it back for some deranged idea that women need to be “Mysterious.”

Have lots of sex

Have as much sex as works for the two of you. Some couples have sex once a month and are happy with that. Some do it twice a day forever and sex is very important to them. But there is really no formula to what amount of sex makes for a happy relationship. But there is one formula for failures, and that’s pressure over how often you have sex.