Humour: But why didn't that crocodile turn up at Bobi Wine's Busabala beach?

Okay, we have the bow and arrows ready. Line up the chicken and let's take these quick shots.

Bank Of Uganda warned people who write on currency notes that they will “get in trouble” reported Crispus Mugisha for this newsite.

https://nilepost.co.ug/2019/12/09/bou-warns-people-power-museveni-supporters-against-writing-on-money/

Apparently people have been scribbling exhortations to vote Bobi Wine on their currency and the Bank Of Uganda doesn’t like the idea, saying it amounted to defacing currency notes.

This leads to questions that the rest of us have to contend with. For example, I myself, as E. Bazanye, active participant in the Ugandan economy and circulation of money, have recently been paid the sum of half a million shillings for my other business (if you need a freelance cat slaughterer, please get in touch with me by twitter. Bazanye Cat-Slaughtering Services. Your one-stop cat slaughterhouse).

A lot of the banknotes, however, had the Vote Bobi inscription bold and prominent on their faces. I tried to spend them on new sneakers, a nice new pair of sunglasses and a big hoodie because there is a CCTV camera mounted on the path to my new girlfriend’s house, and her husband is a policeman, but no one will take them since they believe BoU declared them invalid,

I tried to revalidate them by adding "or Museveni” to the “Vote Bobi Wine” but they are still not sure.

I wonder if I can bribe CCTV police with money that has Bobi’s name on it. More on this story as it, excuse the pun, unfolds.

In my next shot, Anda croco, and a croco and a crocodilo.

https://nilepost.co.ug/2019/12/06/panic-as-fishermen-spot-crocodile-at-entebbe-beach/

Crocodile or crocodiles (you can’t be sure each sighting was of the same one-- they all look the same--were spotted close to a number of lakeshore beach resorts last weekend, reported Amon Katungulu of Nilepost.

Wildlife expert E. Bazanye of Nilepost wasn’t surprised. Many a Ugandan has looked upon the luxurious and beautiful lakeshore resorts that line the edge of the Great Nalubaale and longed for a chance to visit them, just to lay out by the waters and enjoy the enjoyments as we call them.

Many a Ugandan has been thwarted by the fee one must pay for access to the enjoyments, as we call them. many of the same Ugandan has thought that if they could swim, they could sneak in from the other side of the water: just come in from under water, then get on the beach and proceed with the enjoyments as we call them.

Who is to say that crocodiles are not among these many Ugandans?

The only question is why didn't it sneak into Bobi Wine’s beach resort? That one is especially hard to get into by land.

Economist E. Bazanye also expressed disappointment in the fishermen who reportedly fled and scattered in panic and fear on seeing the crocodile.

What sort of fishermen are these who see a crocodile and think, "We must run! It's going to have us for dinner!" Instead of thinking, "We must hunt! We are going to have it for dinner!"

Fishermen, your job is eating things you find in the lake. And one crocodile can provide you with way more sabulenya than the average empuuta.

Let me reload now. One more shot.

Uganda and Hollywood are to collaborate to promote Uganda as a tourism destination, Crispus reports for Nilepost. I’m not sure how Hollywood films are going to make people want to come to Uganda, though. Lately it seems every Hollywood movie is not about beautiful, tourist-friendly, scenic and relaxing places.

Hollywood just keeps making disaster movies about places you don’t want to go, films where a nice, clean, well developed and well-maintained cities are reduced to shambles by a monster or aliens or ghosts or robots or even clowns.

Maybe that is how they will use Uganda. They spend too much money creating the aftermath of the catastrophe scenes. Why not just start the movie with a shot of Manhattan. Then shoot the scenes where the heroes fight the dragon or Ultron or The Clown or Predator in CGI and then shoot the end, the broken, crumbling ruins, smouldering in the aftermath of the great battle, here in Kampala? There are parts of Bugolobi where the road is so bad it looks like Godzilla didn't just pass through, it looks like that is his route to school. He passes through twice a day five days a week.

Not to mention that if you really want to take the Fast and Furious franchise to the next level, you should film our boda bodas,taxi drivers and government vehicles. Some of these fools routinely try to drive on top of each other, underneath each other, and I know a boda guy who actually rides his bike onto the roof of passing taxis when he wants to save fuel.

Okay. That’s all for this week. Love you guys. See you next time.