JAQ DEWEYI
Shanny has been married for two years to Tom, an amazing guy, whom she loves to death! Everything has been going great, her friends and family wondering, “How can a relationship be this perfect?” After 24 months of this bliss, relationship reality has settled in. Her perfect Tom mortgaged their house without her consent.
To make matters worse, he can’t say what he did with the money! Since he has never come home past 10pm since they moved in together, she can’t suspect infidelity. The poor girl is a primary teacher whose salary can’t run a home and pay a mortgage that huge!
Whatever Tom did with that money, only he knows. For now, your guess is as good as mine. What I know is that tough times are a reality of every relationship but like the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.
Here are five tips to keep you going when faced with a tough season in your relationship or marriage.
1. Pray
For all our troubles in life, God is the best comforter! My pastor usually says, “There are problems which won’t go away until you get violent in prayer.” Whatever your partner has done to make things difficult or create the situation you are going through like debt in the case of Shanny, a love child, violation of your trust, you must pray for patience to persevere and for the grace to trust again. Especially trust because all relationships depend on it. The moment it disappears, a relationship withers to death.
2. Forgive
I know we all wish our relationships were perfect like it happens in the movies but it doesn’t work that way. Here in the real world, no one is perfect! People make mistakes and that’s something we must accept. For whatever mess your partner got you in to, forgive them and work for a way forward together, that’s if you plan to stay in the relationship.
3. Fight
If you are reading this because of something tough happening in your life, I have good news! Victory isn’t a product of right; it’s a product of fight.
All the successful relationships you know and read about have survived because of the fighters involved.
So when the storm hits, become like the palm tree. They are designed to bend but not break. When you see it on the ground during a storm, it’s not broken, it’s just bent.
That’s the same warrior attitude you need to overcome any storm in your marriage or relationship.
4. Get a mentor
Family and friends are great but sometimes not the best option for relationship advice. It’s usually smart to consult a neutral party since we all know that one person or couple whose love story inspires us whether on line, place of worship or a therapist.
Think of that person and what they would do in your situation or better still, talk to them, get their point of view and ask for some advice. Mentors don’t only apply in business; you need them for matters of the heart too.
5. Be positive
Every relationship, even the best marriage hits a tough season. You shouldn’t let go of yourself or the things you love when it’s your turn. Instead of drowning in your situation, acknowledge it and adopt a positive attitude. Think of all the things you have been through and over come in the past, then remind yourself of this proverb, “This too shall pass.”