About a month ago, Uganda had discovered its newest celebrity- the funeral announcer Mzee Jjemba Matte who was catapulted to fame with one meme!
JJemba, was an instant celebrity with media houses combing everywhere in Kayunga to get access to him. In one evening, we were treated to feature interviews about him from at least three big media houses and splashes of stories all over from the tiniest of the sites to the giants.
He was rocking, eh eh eh.. my Lord I wonder. He had become magnetic, attracting anything to him, from women to phones, to Spas and Sauna, aha, it was reported that even his ex-wife was petitioning him to reconsider taking her back.
In the midst of the trend chaos, Mzee Jjemba was already being choked with gifts from every nook and cranny, he was awarded an opportunity to choose from a litany of smartphones, damn! He chased away the iPhone.
He would later be seen flaunting sexy babes around as if he was the new patron of Miss Curvy (this was also something those days).
The social media constituency then organized another fundraiser to award him with a motorbike, which would now help him rush through the villages to the next funeral event.
In a short while, he was taxi-flown to Kampala, where he needed no auditioning to feature in the newly outed song by Wabuyi Gereson, oh yes! That was the Gravity of the matter.
The song just like the situation of Mzee Jjemba at that time was dubbed- Tusimbude. And indeed, Ugandans Kusimbula to the next – Kakwenza.
Kakwenza unfortunate episodes propelled him to a darling across the country, and resultantly to the world.
In the times he was trending, even an emoji tweet from him would gather so much pace, that there are literally uncountable people who used the same wind to blow their best trumpet.
Twitter spaces were launched in his honor and were heavily attended, some hosts claimed they were being bagged by certain high-ranking members of the government to shoot down their interviews with Kakwenza.
Eeeeh… even I trended for saying he can not be a witness in his own case! Mehn.. we are naive, but process by process, Kakwenza was reaching his peak.
At the same time, his account was chalked off Twitter but it was handed back to him without any hustles. Kakwenza was literally untouchable and indeed not even at the borders was he touched as he padded along Uganda’s boundaries and settled in Germany where he now bases to interest us in a body lotion smearing activity orchestrated by yet another once-famous Stella Nyanzi owenene.
Kakwenza’s trend was shortly interrupted by a single picture of Prime Minister Nabbanja who showed up with two huge laptops and flag background drops in the middle of a ‘brown’ road.
Nabbanja had been on the trend board once before for “lacking words to say” as she lolled in her office seat, forgetting it could bend backward quickly. As for Nabbanja…. Ebigambo bimbuzemu awo.
I have specifically decided to forget the issue of fuel because I know some of you are reading this while driving! Then you will shortly park to discuss issues of Ukraine and Russia.
Today, every Ugandan has something to say about Vladimir Putin, Russia, Ukraine, or NATO, that the only thing that has remained trending in the midst is Manchester United firing blanks.
For some time, everything has gone quiet, and the blazing guns in Ukraine are the only things we can hear, even Norbert Mao’s nuclear bombs have stopped launching but I can tell you all, in the end- Prophet Mbonye knew all this would happen exactly the same way but he chose not to tell us.
The writer has forgotten his title.
