There are Ugandans who don't want their kids immunised, for real

Uganda is engaged in an ongoing Measles and Rubella immunisation programme. Running concurrently to this is an ongoing conspiracy theory programme about immunisation.

The rumours are wild and rampant. Ranging from the relatively sane one that claims that the vaccine contains trace samples of Boris Johnson’s dandruff and once introduced into the African bloodstream they will cause the child to become allergic to Britain so if they go to UK they will instantly fall sick and come back, thereby instilling a pre-emptive Brexit and forestalling any future immigrant problem.

Another says that the vaccine is just urine. Because the White Man (or illuminati, or the CIA, or the Aliens, or whoever you chose to believe in) just hates black Africans so much that they will do that, just to insult us.

Another one says that they are not actually injecting a vaccine into the children, they are siphoning out the powers of the Black Panther. They saw the movie and they suspect that some of us have elements of Black Panther Purple Flower power inside us, so they are stealing our blood to take it. If you listen closely to the Colonisers when they administer the injection you can hear them whisper the incantation, “The powers of the bleckpentha hev been stripped… ewey.”

Another rumour says it is a racist caucuasian conspiracy to eradicate the negroes by injecting Africans with whiteness DNA so everyone who gets the injection will slowly grow up white, and will only produce white children and, in one generation, there will be no more blacks.

There are many rumours going around. Those are only the least ludicrous ones.

Who would have known that we see a day in 2019 where the most sensible option is to believe that the government is actually working to protect the health and well-being of its citizens?

And who am I to not add salt to the pot? I have a conspiracy theory too.

I believe that the illuminati, patriarchy, The White Man, Babylon, The Beast of The Apocalypse or whoever it is that harbours such irrational beef against Africans saw that there was a risk of measles and rubella in Africa. He (Cos this entity is trash and men are trash so it is obviously male. Stands to reason) and was very unnerved.

If the health status of third world negroes increases, this will not serve their racist ends. So they had to do something to stop this immunisation from succeeding.

Knowing that if just a few kids don’t get immunised it could render the whole exercise pointless, all they had to do was plant a few rumours here and there about the vaccines being dangerous so that a few parents will refuse to have their kids immunised and the result will be measles outbreaks.

Seriously, of all the conspiracy theorising and rumour mongering about how some evil organisation in the darkness is looking for an outcome that is detrimental to Africa’s future, this is the one thing that is actually rationally, reasonably logically certain: If we don’t immunise the kids, there will be measles outbreaks.

If anyone wants to harm our generations, they will make us have measles outbreaks.

If you don’t immunize your kids because you think the aliens or Hydra or the Nazis or Trump wants to make them gay, you might as well sneeze measles on them yourself.

Immunize your kids, man.