The House of Falament is in session. They look as if they are working but as usual, it’s just wasted space and pointless noise.
Member from Kilama: Madam deputy speaker sir I would like to apologise for being late.
Deputy Speaker: No need. This house is so plagued with absenteeism that, trust me, no one would notice your lateness, let alone if you didn’t show up at all.
Member from Pimpkwam: Point of by the way, speaking of. Where is the member from Kinyaara? It says she has a perfect attendance record but I’ve never seen her.
Member from Akwenyoro: What do you want with her?
Member from Pimkwam: To shoot my shot. I want a Mutuuro girlfriend. I hear they are gentle people so she is less likely to kick me out like my last girlfriend did.
Member from Kilama: Point of order, I would like to move a motion that you all shut up and let me finish. I was still talking.
Member from Akwenyoro: Dude, your last girlfriend did what? Heh heh. Men are trash!
Member from Pimkwam: Man, she kicked me out of her hostel room in the middle of the night. All I did was make a small tiny Avengers Endgame spoiler.
Member from Wampisi: Wait. Hostel? I thought I was your last girlfriend and I don’t live in a hostel, I live in a mansion I built with money for building a center four clini…… I mean, a mansion I built from my fiscal policy.
Member from Kyencu: I thought I was your last girlfriend. I remember kicking you out but it was non performance, failure to come through on your promises and general incompetence. Same reason you are not coming back here next elections.
Member from Kilama: Speaker, tell them to shut up. I am trying to legislate here.
Member from Ssebunyampa: I’ve been kicked out of beds by women from Tooro before. Don’t believe tose tribal stereotypes. Akiiki? More like A Kick. She even used kung fu.
Member from Kilama: But you loud, chattering donkey-ticks. Did you come to gossip about each other’s beds or to talk national matters? Shut the up and let me speak.
Member from Twerere: Or what will you do?
Member from Kilama: Or I will eat these boiled eggs I brought with me from the village. I will eat them right here right now in these chambres.
Every Member: (Silence).
Member from Kilama: I apologise for my late arrival. I was in my constituency with the people officiating over a development project. You will be glad to know that Kilama now has a flush toilet.
However, the journey back was long and tedious. Especially the parts of the road in Ogonja, Ggwa, and Alipepe.
I am not going to chastise my fellow members for the infrastructure in their areas, but I would like to table a motion since we now have Bombardiers I move that we build an airport in Kilama. I can fly there to officiate over the opening without having to go through Alipepe’s road.
Member from Alipepe: We are booking airports for the Bombardiers? Even us we want. Then we won’t even have to fix the roads before I can go back.
Deputy Speaker: How often do you go back to Alipepe, by the way?
Member from Alipepe: Mister Spare Speaker, sir, I haven’t been back since elections. I can’t even deal with that road. The potholes are so bad they are not potholes. They are caves. Animals live in them. You are driving and suddenly snakes come out of the road.
Member from Kinyaara: Us we have tourist attractions. Isn’t Bombadier supposed to bring tourism? You give us the airport. You know you can see part of a crater lake from my constituency.
Member from Pimkwam: Hi there. Have you watched Avengers Endgame?
Member from Mbocwa: Point of But Really, guys? Gava doesn’t have money pay for the new expressway, gava doesn’t have money to pay for the student loan scheme, gava doesn’t have money for oba what else and you want us to build personal airports for Falamentarians? In this economy?
Member from Ggwa South: She’s right. In this economy we don’t have enough funds. I move to raise our allowances and incomes by 40 percent! We go!