I have come to set the record straight, once and for all. There has been a terrible campaign of misinformation, cooked up in the dimly lit basements of anti-government bloggers, where Photoshop and cheap vodka flow in equal measure.
These enemies of progress are flooding social media with heavily doctored videos, falsely accusing our disciplined UPDF soldiers of manhandling journalists in Kawempe.
Let me be as clear as the morning sun—those men in uniform were not UPDF. They were, in fact, NUPDF.
Yes, you heard me right. The National Unity Platform Defence Forces (NUPDF), a well-funded military wing of Bobi Wine’s party, is the real culprit here.
These well-organised hooligans — who, by the way, have been getting foreign aid under the guise of bumshafters support — descended on the streets of Kawempe, attacking innocent journalists.
And now, because they have friends with strong Wi-Fi, they are flipping the script, editing footage to make it seem like our patriotic forces are the villains.
Take the case of NBS journalist Canary Mugume, for example. These propagandists want you to believe that he was confronted by our UPDF. But anyone with functional eyesight and a love for their country can see what really happened.
The real footage—which somehow didn’t make it onto social media—clearly shows Mugume being surrounded by NUPDF operatives wearing stolen uniforms. It was them, not us, who roughed him up.
Yet here we are, being accused of crimes we didn't commit. The irony is thicker than a posho meal at a village fundraiser.
Now, let’s talk about the grand scheme. Bobi Wine, funded by dubious foreign benefactors, has been secretly acquiring mambas and armoured personnel carriers.
While the rest of us were celebrating the new year, he was ordering military-grade equipment, preparing to unleash terror ahead of the 2026 elections. The fact that he has not yet rolled them out is not a sign of restraint; it is a mere strategic delay.
He wants to lull Ugandans into complacency before storming the streets like a badly scripted action movie.
What you saw in Kawempe was Bobi Wine's idea of jaribu. But forget not, folks - General MK, our Supreme Leader, is better equipped and will deal with the Ka-bobi.
Oh, what did the people of Kawempe do in response to this madness? They ran to the barracks, crying and pleading for the UPDF to come to their rescue. Yes, the voters of Kawempe, in their wisdom, saw the writing on the wall and decided they would rather be defended by the government than left at the mercy of Bobi’s private army.
But even this noble intervention was not without sacrifice. Many of the troops sent to restore order were ambushed along the way by NUPDF foot soldiers, who were lying in wait like hyenas stalking a fat goat.
Only a brave few managed to make it through, arriving just in time to save journalists from the claws of these goons. It was our gallant UPDF that took Francis Isano to hospital and it was also our men and women in uniform who combed every nook and cranny of ghetto to locate Abu Lubowa and those other Nation Media comrades.
The NUPDF has made it its mission to prove that it invented anarchy. They wake up every morning and choose violence like it’s a career. And now, after beating journalists black and blue, they have the audacity to point fingers at the government. It’s like a thief screaming "thief!" to divert attention from himself.
But we are not fooled. The truth, no matter how much they try to bury it under layers of propaganda, will always find a way to the surface.
So let me repeat: the UPDF did not beat journalists. It was the NUPDF. The voters of Kawempe did not resist the UPDF; they begged for their protection.
And Bobi Wine is not just an opposition politician; he is a general in waiting, stocking up on mambas like a man expecting war. These are the facts. Everything else is just badly edited fiction.