Kampala: A Giant choking under the stench of garbage

The capital decided to coat itself in a blanket of stench so pungent that it could make a skunk blush.

In the grand assembly of East African cities, Kampala once stood tall, chest puffed out like a peacock, proudly flaunting its vibrancy and charm.

A city of seven hills, each one offering a different flavour of chaos. But oh, how the mighty have fallen—more precisely, how the hills have crumbled under the weight of their own garbage!

Today, Kampala is not just any city; it’s the reigning 'Queen of Stench,' a title it has earned with unwavering dedication.

As the clock struck midnight, while Nairobi busied itself with economic strategies, Dar es Salaam fine-tuned its tourism appeal, and Kigali polished its clean streets like a student preparing for a hygiene competition, Kampala embarked on a different mission.

The capital decided to coat itself in a blanket of stench so pungent that it could make a skunk blush.

And now, the chickens have come home to roost—except in this case, the chickens are made of trash, and they've arrived in truckloads. Mukono, a humble neighbour who once graciously allowed Kampala's leftovers to seep into its borders, has had enough.

The town, with all the politeness of a mother-in-law refusing a third serving of dessert, has said, “Thanks, but no thanks.” No more garbage trucks rumbling down Mukono’s streets. After all, who wouldn’t be wary after seeing what happened to Kiteezi?

Ah, Kiteezi—the crown jewel of Kampala’s trash management system, now a tragic reminder of what happens when garbage is treated like a distant relative only remembered during holidays. Over 35 lives were tragically lost, with many more still unaccounted for, buried under what was once simply dismissed as yesterday’s waste.

Meanwhile, Kampala itself has become a living metaphor—a city choking on its excesses. The air is thick, not just with the usual exhaust fumes, but with a stench so persistent, it seems to have taken up permanent residence. It's as if the city has been doused in Eau de Trash, a scent that follows you wherever you go, lingering in your nostrils like a bad joke that refuses to die.

But let’s not be too harsh. After all, managing a city’s waste is no small feat, and Kampala has certainly tried... in its own unique way.

Why else would it still rely on an archaic system that seems better suited for the medieval era? The city’s garbage trucks have become urban legends in their own right—ghostly figures that may or may not show up, depending on whether Mercury is in retrograde.

And when they do, it's a race against time, as residents scramble to rid themselves of the bags they’ve held onto like a bad habit.

So, what’s the solution for this urban disaster, this dumpster fire of epic proportions? It’s simple, really. Kampala needs to take a page from its East African counterparts.

• Go Green, Literally: Follow in the footsteps of Kigali and Nairobi, where waste is not just thrown away but recycled. Imagine a Kampala where plastic bottles become park benches instead of contributing to the latest landfill collapse.
• Smart Waste Management: Embrace technology. Kampala could learn from Dar es Salaam, where waste is tracked and managed efficiently. The city’s garbage trucks need more than just fuel; they need GPS and a schedule that actually works.
• Public Awareness and Participation: Finally, it’s time for Kampala’s residents to step up. Let’s start with the basics—like not tossing garbage out of moving vehicles. It’s a simple act, but one that could transform the city’s landscape, from a dystopian wasteland to a place people actually want to live in.

In the end, Kampala has the potential to rise from the ashes—or rather, from the rubbish—like a phoenix. But until then, it will remain the stinky giant of East Africa, a city that could learn a lot from its neighbours, if only it would stop and smell the roses... instead of the trash.