The danger in dating your best friend

Marry your best friend and you will marry for life is the cherry on top we all crave, its the Cinderella story, the happily ever after we long to believe in and have for ourselves. Some even go as far is faking it to make it, he is my best friend I know he is a good person, I bet he didn’t mean to act like this or that and we forgive them until we cannot forgive ourselves for letting it go on for so long.

Dating a best friend at first glance however has all the advantages; you know them well, you trust them, know about their ups and downs, you feel secure with them, your families probably know each other, less costly the guy doesn’t have to pretend like he has lots of money to impress, you always have what to talk about including backbiting friends, so why not date them, its what many yearn for.

Carla and Caleb met in school after they were late for a class and were made to stay outside at the school assembly grounds  where everyone can see them, and twenty one reasons completely different from each other”s while the entire school was engaged in class and every staff to their duties, they were at the assembly grounds on a Monday with all their books (heavy-black books and textbooks) the entire day they faced the embarrassment and fatigue together and from there became best friends.

They coincidentally chose the same school and subjects at A level where they continued the friendship, were accepted at different universities but still remained in touch and its on their joint graduation party that they shared their first kiss.

Both had tried dating other people in vain as they preferred each others company,  after that kiss everything changed. The kiss lead to sex and then a full blown relationship. Three years later , three years that felt like ten, Carla had sadly realised compatibility as friends doesn’t translate to a good relationship, now she had lost a deer friend and they could never go back. They had crossed a line that few, very few recover from.

Caleb being a best friend, she hadn’t vetted him, she often let many things slide, he wasn’t trying at all in the relationship something she had noticed but let sly after all they got along and they seemed happy. She settled for less, compromised so as not to hurt his feelings.

Knowing about her male crushes and fantasies, they always had the same fight, always paranoid she would leave him for a more stylish  rich guy,  he always felt insecure and brought it out on her and almost became abusive. Now she had no one to vent to, no best friend who understood her like Caleb did. She had lost her best friend.

The relationship was stale, no surprises at all always talking about day to day stuff that half the time it felt more of a friendship than a relationship. He never tried to impress, she never tried to dress up, the sex was okay, no role play, no romantic playfulness . She never asked for money from him but always hoped he would get her some gifts but was always surprised because he may not have been rich but he had money of his own, a good job, a good side business but could never even get her a bracelet. It was over before it officially ended, they never tried for the relationship, relationships are work and they both slaked on it.

They had known each other as friends for about ten years and even then they didn’t really know each other, Caleb wasn’t a chore person, couldn’t clean after himself and was actually a chauvinist- the kind that signed off that laddies are to do all the chores.

This is one of the things that hurt Carla the most, her best friend always looked on as she slaved at home with all the chores as he sat and watched the game they always enjoyed together, he was watching waiting to be served. It was also mandatory that she kneel while serving and greeting him… all the years of hanging out she never picked up and this and was greatly hurt that her so called best friends didn’t love her enough as a human being not even girlfriend but as a human to be empathetic especially since she always voiced it.

It was sad to find out that you can know a lot about someone  and still not know them well. The worst part is someone is your best friend, you don’t filter them the way you’d filter a new first date, this in turn breeds disaster, boundaries are not set and respect is normally to a minimal.

 

Caleb had loved Carla from day one and after their breakup he could never forgive himself for hurting the woman he loved the most. Carla was tall(almost taller than him) with an odd beauty-not the type that makes everyone turn when she enters a room but the kind that kept you fascinated about everything about her, she smiled with her eyes, was very hardworking and always had  a positive attitude, she is the woman he hoped to marry very nurturing even his mother approved, to him she was the most beautiful girl ever.

Now that it was officially over, he had no one to talk to about all his woes, their mutual friends had found out everything and had taken sides or so to say a side, he was yet to see any try to find out how he was doing, he had lost all his friends.

Much as he was frustrated about certain things about her in the relationship, to him they were not deal breakers, he loved her always. She snores, over invites friends over, too friendly and he may have threatened to beat her up on several occasions, stalked her on face book but to him, she was still the woman he wanted to marry. Only Carla didn’t joke around with violence. It starts with a threat, then one slap and before you know it, you are in hospital.

As his best friend, she thought him perfect in most ways, he had  this deep male commanding voice she liked, handsome, was confident smart, considerate but as a lover all this changed, she saw a violent side she never would have imagine.

Many will argue for dating your best friend and I would probably be tempted to join them but the relationship especially the sex tends to feel more like  a normal release not that mind blowing sex you get from a new love interest and argue if you must  but a good sex life helps the relationship grow. There barely any new adventures, you probably know the same people, visited your favorite places with them, watched your best movies together, listened to the each others best music among many.

“You’re not supposed to know what your best friend looks like or sounds like when they orgasm” Anonymous. If you are faint hearted or smart, do not risk a beautiful friendship for a roll in the hay. Relationships sadly come and go but a good friend should stay will you. The thing is one either  becomes like the other 99% who have dated best friends and broken up or they  marry and grow old together yaa this is highly risky business.

If you breakup, you’d then remain on that awkward level of friendship where you can’t get too close out of the fear of catching feelings again, and you can’t drift too far apart because,  you then  won’t be friends anymore.

Even when a pair of best friends date, break up, and try to act completely normal around each other, the fact that there was once a romance going on will always be lingering in the back of everyone’s heads and they will never be the friends they once were.

Do not fret though, if you are sure about your love story, you maybe in the 1% that marry and grow old together.

#throughmyeyes