Kale Kayihura: Who needs America anyway?

Since then not only has a lot of water passed under the bridge, but massive tsunamis have washed over the bridge, flooded it and left it unrecognisable. Even the Google maps chick gets confused because she thought there was supposed to be a bridge there, now all her satellites show her is a broiling brown ocean, with the corpses of drowned rats bobbing upside down over the waves.

https://nilepost.co.ug/2019/09/13/kayihurafamily-banned-from-us-travel-property-if-any-to-be-confiscated/

In recent news Mr Kayihura (Honestly, his status has changed so drastically and so rapidly I don’t even know if he has a rank any more. I could ask my research team but they don’t show up when it rains. The bridge mbu gets flooded. General, or former General or inspector or former inspector, counsel or the defendant-- I really don’t know.) Mr Kayihura was recently banned from traveling to the US.

I know what you are thinking. The question on everybody’s mind is, So?

Being banned from travel to America on the grounds that you supervised the breach of human rights is no big news. This is the nation which still hasn’t understood that black lives matter and they are very scared of immigrants coming in and taking their jobs, so no surprise that they would not want more cops who they think or allege violate the human rights of negroes to come to their country. They have enough police persons to do it already.

The only human rights violators allowed into the US are Vladimir Putin and delegates from North Korea.

K-Dot has however responded like an officer and a gentleman, asking why the US government didn't give him a fair hearing and adding what we can paraphrase as since when? Of where? Nga when I was Five Oh the US Police had no problem with me-- we even worked together like Hobbs and Shaw. Does the US government work with human rights violators?

I'm going to take a pause after that last sentence to observe how sometimes the satire writes itself.

Now, I think retaliatory measures should be taken by the sovereign republic of Uganda. If the US bans our people, we should also ban a few of theirs. I have a list.

Kanye West: Kanye West, in case you were blissfully ignorant of the twit, is the superstar pop musician who visited Uganda last year and brought with him a small cargo of million-dollar sneakers which he distributed to the underprivileged children in a Masulita orphanage.

I hope that orphanage opened an Ebay account immediately after because the poor are not like us who read Nilepost on our internets. We can wear expensive sneakers while the yaka beeps, but is UWESO going to let your kids eat beans and posho when just one of their new Yeezys could easily buy a cow if not fund a year's worth of beef?

Mark Zuckerberg: Zuckerberg is the owner of Facebook, a vampiric brain draining computer network that sucks information out of our fingers and sells it to … we don’t know who they sell it to because they have never told us. They take information from us, but they don’t actually give info back.

They seem to but that is a ruse: they can let us scroll through and see that Bridget thinks Nyege Nyege was “Lit AF”, that Rose won’t “let teh h8trz get hr crwn” and deliver the latest memes of Simon Kaggwa Njala but that is not information, that is white noise.

You don’t want Zuckerberg in Uganda because he has real information. The type a government could take, collect and use against its citizens if it were inclined to disrespect its citizens' privacy.

Michael B Jordan:

I met this girl the other day and we have been out on a couple of dates. I think we really hit it off. I really like her. I think she might be the one. This might be the love of my life, you guys.

Problem is that she has a huge crush on this actor, Michael B Jordan, best known for acting with muscles and good looks in The Black Panther. If he comes to Uganda, it will be over for me, so please, let us ban him.

Finally, Ban Trump himself. If that goon comes to Uganda I am going to email NIRA and tell them I am no longer coming for my ID. I, the deepest patriot in the fifty seven year history of Uganda will revoke my own citizenship and move to Chad. I can’t be in the same nation as Trump’s wig-lice.