MOVIE REVIEW: “The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2” is awful

This movie, I use this term liberally, comes across as a convention for Kevin Hart haters.

Behind door Number One, we have Mike Epps.

He once posted a message on social media next to a photo of Samuel L. Jackson’s character in the movie “Django” saying: “Why everybody don’t like me? Everybody is supposed to like me. I am @kevinhart4real. I don’t do drugs. I never drank liquor. Katt and Mike, y’all not good enough. Sorry go back in the field.”

The allusion to Kevin Hart being a proverbial House Slave, which activist Malcolm X described as a sell-out Negro, was as scorching as the sun the “real niggas” or Field Negroes (such as Epps and Katt Williams) have to bear on a daily basis while supposedly tilling the field.

Behind door Number Two, we have Katt Williams who has said Hart is not funny but is merely a jumped-up joker.

“You had the shot!” Hart replied to Williams. “You were the guy! You were set up to be the star. You didn’t show up to work! You f—ked off promo shoots! You f—ked off your promo trips … You became a risk to the studios, which is why the studios stopped f—king with you.”

Then there’s Michael Blackson, behind door Number Three.

He once attacked Hart on Instagram by saying, “Call your writers because when I’m done with you will commit suicide by jumping off the curb…”

This was in echo of what Epps and comedian Aries Spears said when crediting Hart’s success to his team of writers, led by Harry Ratchford and Joey Wells.

After those excoriating remarks about Hart’s career, we would expect any comedy from the trio to be a cut above the predictability of a Kevin Hart staple.

Unfortunately, “The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2” is so bad that one wonders whether the criticisms leveled at Hart by these comedians are simply rage turn inwards by the Hara-Kiri thrust of this movie.

After its 2016 predecessor, The Purge spoof Meet the Blacks, this sequel catches up with Carl Black (Epps) and his family.

Black is an author in the same sense Steven Seagal is an actor, yes; he is a published non-author.

Since he’s barely able to string two words together, his first book fails to hit the spot worse than Seagal’s ponytail does at ponying up his street cred as a stylish person.

Snoop Dogg plays himself as he hilariously describes Carl’s book as terrible while on national television, it surely aint nothing but a “G thang” with the “G” standing for Grrr…since this Dogg was not happy with such literary muzak.

To make matters worse, Carl's marriage is in trouble as his blonde-haired wife Lorena (Zulay Henao) is tired of carrying the domestic load while Carl tries to figure out how to pronounce the words “Barnes & Noble”.

As she sighs audibly, Carl sees some weird-looking persons moving into the house next door. Along with his Kevin Hart-short & loud cousin Cronut (Lil Duval), Epps discovers that vampires are his new neighbors.

These vampires are led by a centuries-old bloodsucker called Dr. Mamuwalde (Katt Williams), who has the blonde ambition to take away Carl’s wife.

As Carl and Cronut furrow their brows, Carl’s daughter Pepper (Shamea Morton) adds salt to Carl’s open wounds by telling him she’s eloping with her disabled boyfriend Freezee (Andrew Bachelor); who spends much of his time walking into household items and demanding head from Pepper.

Gary Owen shows up as Clive, the cuckolded wheelchair-bound sex freak.

Owen, who acted in the two Think Like A Man movies, also takes shots at those Kevin Hart vehicles by comparing Carl’s non-existent writing career to their viewing pleasure.

Meanwhile, Carl Jr. (Alex Henderson) comes across as an extra with an extended cameo.

There are bit-parts played by the “bawse” Rick Ross who is Mr. Saturday Night and Danny Trejo who appears as someone who mistook the set of this movie for the set of another movie!

Michael Blackson is more over-the-top than funny as Mr. Wooky, he has the kind of dialogue that holds a conversation by strangling it.

There are also several continuity errors with scenes spliced together with multiple cuts of the same exact shot, while the visual effects belong to an Anne Kansiime YouTube video.

At the end of this 90-minute debacle, “The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2” induces eye-rolls instead of drumrolls.