Former Blu3 singer Jackie Chandiru has said that one of her worst moments during recovery from drug addiction was discovering that her grave had already been dug in preparation to bury her.
Chandiru said the revelation hit her terribly, but at the same time strengthened her to fight for her life.
The singer made these revelations on a YouTube show with Kenyan Radi presenter Felix Odiwour commonly known as Jalang’o.
Chandiru was reported dead in September 2019 following rumors that she had left behind suicide notes.
It was discovered later that the singer was in rehabilitation where she had been checked into earlier over relapse.
Appearing on Jalango’s show, Chandiru narrated her journey to hell and back, claiming she tried to take her own life a record four times.
“The internet tried to kill me four times, and I tried to commit suicide four times. The times I was killed on the internet I was in rehab,” she said.
She claims the reason to attempt suicide was that she was tired of stories and rumors.
“If it is an addiction, why don’t they take the story. I was being told I was homeless and the likes. The comments of people affected me,” she said, adding that she attempted suicide at came near to success, only to wake up in the morning.
“I went to the pharmacy and told the attendant to help a friend of mine who wanted to die. I asked how much money she should need to provide the required medicine to commit suicide. But she refused. So I went and combined a cocktail of drugs and knew I was good to go. I woke up with the worst headache in the world,” she said.
“So when I woke up, I wondered where it could be that I was; Hell of heaven? But I was not seeing the fire, so I said it must be heaven, still, I was not seeing the happy people, while I tried to conceive my location, I started vomiting seriously, ah I was certain I was now not dead as I had wanted, “she added.
Chandiru said that the second time she wanted to slit her stomach open so that everything in it drops out and she bought another liquid cocktail of drugs, alas, it did not work.
“I started pleading with God to understand that I wanted to die. I was bitter with Him for he was not getting my intentions and helping me achieve them,” she said.
She, however, claimed that after reading a number of comments on social media where people unknown to her were praying for her recovery, she had a change in mind and maybe think about living, and that is when she got to learn that a grave was dug and waiting to receive her body.
“I have written about this in a book you will soon read, the location of the grave and the person. What I can say is that when I got to learn of this, I vowed that the person would go to that grave first, not me.”
Addiction to drugs
Chandiru says her addition started slowly, after getting prescription for a pain killer, she noticed she could continue using it privately, hence started overdosing.
“No person wakes up and wants to be an addict, It is not a choice. Mine started as a health problem, I was warned it is addictive but a pain killer., I had an injury and was told it would be 50-50 chance, so I started the drug as a short cut,” she said.
“I had so much pain with the injury. I had a back injury and I needed to keep performing, so I was told to use Pethidine. By time addiction had grown I was injecting myself 20 times a day. I stopped looking for the veins, all I wanted was the drug in the body, so I would just inject anywhere,” she said, revealing scared hands.