Line them up and let’s take these shots.
This week, the digit used to denote the date changed. As it does every single day. And we got all excited and celebrated as if we were not just marking the arrival of January and its two great blights: brokeness and heat so big and strong that instead of throwing bottles at NRM musicians, we are going to keep our bottles and drink our water.
Shot one: KAPwa!
After spending all the money Uganda has spent on tourism, so much of it going into communication strategies to tell us that they are committed to spending money on boosting Uganda’s image as a warm, fun, enjoyable country that everyone should visit, Uganda sent Chaka Chaka back.
A living legend in African music, quite definitely one of the top ten singers African ears have listened to was in Kampala to sing at a concert. Unfortunately, someone cocked up the visa documentation and because she had a visitors pass and not a work permit, she was asked to leave. Or at least not to sing.
Instead of giving her expedited free honorary citizenship, a condominium in Bunga, a couple of cows and a Ugandan son in law, we sent her back. As if we cannot grasp how much positive imagery we could have gleaned from the fact that, out of all the nations in the world, Yvonne Chaka Chaka chose Uganda for her New Year’s performance.
People concerned, next time don’t do this. Never let a popular musician leave your country without having taken selfies at each and every tourist attraction. In fact please spend our taxes bringing her back.
Next thing you know we are going to block Murchison falls, ban Nyege Nyege and sell all our giraffes to China and then start wondering why Bombadier isn’t increasing tourists.
They will all be in Kenya listening to Chaka Chaka at Nyayo Stadium.
Next shot. Kapeww!!
In other news, Minister of State For Youth Florence Nakiwala opens mouth and the wild and unruly things that clang and clamour around the inside of that cavity were let loose to escape and run riot.
Specifically, during Christmas celebrations she threatened to arrest parents who don’t take their children to church.
The nation suddenly realised that she survived the reshuffle and wondered how and why and if not her then who.
And finally, this last shot is not about the news of the past week. It’s about the news of the coming 52 weeks. It’s going to be tight. We are going to be tense. A lot of scary, shocking and especially stupid things are going to be said because it is election season, but please, let us remember that no matter what: we are all Ugandans despite our differences. And if I hear anything about being anything short of civil, respectful and lawful, I will launch my own bid for presidency, win the elections and make things worse, just so you learn your lesson.
Okay. Bye now. See you when you read my column on Wednesday.
Edited by David Tumusiime