Boda boda woes get worse as women robbers take them on, a whole bridge is eaten

I'm locked and loaded. Let's take some quick shots at the small-small parts of the week’s news.

https://nilepost.co.ug/2019/11/15/two-women-sentenced-to-17-years-for-feeding-boda-boda-rider-with-chloroform-stealing-motorcycle/

Esther Namutamba of Nilepost reported on the crime wherein two women drugged a boda boda man and stole his bike.

E Bazanye, also of Nilepost refrained from putting the blame on Cardi B, preferring to look at this from a male feminist perspective: This is a sign of social progress.

Before this we lived in a world of discrimination and lack of equal opportunity for women to the point that women were almost always the victims, and the positions of opression were monopolized by men.

But now we can see that the barriers have been broken down and that women are also participating in that thug life.

I cannot tell you how gratified I feel as a feminist when I am walking down the dark road and, when I see a woman walking up from the opposite direction, I shove my phone into my underwear and immediately begin to look for possible escape routes in case she whips out an iron bar and tries to rob me.

Not only have we reached the level of gender equality where women in the shadows of unlit paths in Kulambiro are just as capable of making us crap our pants, but even bodaring has progressed. At first we thought that the furthest we had come to boda boda gender equality was in female passengers sitting kisajja when previously being able to sit safely on a motorcycle was ensconced in male privilege. But greater strides have been made. Aluta continua!

In other shot, NBS TV’s Uncut showed us how Rema Namakula wore a christmas tree for her Kwanjula last weekend, highlighting, excuse the pun, the need for increased electricity generation in Uganda and sustainable energy sources.

While she was dancing around in a dress made of flashing lights, there was no electricity in Ntinda, Kyambogo, Bukoto, Kisaasi, Kyanja, Kiwatule, Najjera, Naalya, all those ends.

Thankfully, after the Kwanjula she switched off the dress and we were able to get our electricity back. We hope that by the time of her wedding, she has found a generator or batteries so we don’t have another blackout.

Speaking of electricity generation,

Sam Ibanda Mugabi reports for Nilepost that parliament has called for an investigation into 24 billion whole Ugandan shillings that were supposed to buy a bridge to link Kayunga and Kamuli with a hydroelectric dam.

https://nilepost.co.ug/2019/11/15/shs-24-billion-kayunga-kamuli-bridge-construction-to-be-investigated/

 

E Bazanye, a taxpayer, requests that you wait a minute and let me get this straight: We forked out 24 billion shillings for a bridge. We gave them the money to buy the bridge.

They went to the shop. And we still have not seen the bridge. And now we have to investigate?

Let us scale this event to a more relatable scenario. When mummy would send junior to the shop, he would walk from Bukoto to Nakumatt where the commodities on the list were cheaper. Then he would pocket the balance.

He would not just keep all the money, come home with no beer and wait for an investigation. There wouldn’t be any investigation. Just Swift and Certain Retribution.

Swift and Certain Retribution were the names of mummy’s left and right hand kibokos.

Finally, one is left in the chambre. Let me fire it.

https://twitter.com/nbstv/status/1196859490953564163?s=19

From Jordan Mubangizi of NBS TV we have the report that our dear leader YK himself has decreed that 20 policemen be deployed per sub county in a bid to control crime.

Is this a useful move or, as E Bazanye of NBS TV, (Yes, I work for NBS as well) opined, should we not focus on number of cops per number of criminals, not number of cops per subcounty?

For example, in my village of Mubaswankula: there are no criminals in the entire subcounty. This is because half of the residents are God-fearing Christians of impeccable moral stature, and the other half believe in witchcraft and are afraid of the curses that will follow them if they try to steal each others’ stuff.

This means that the only police officer there, Affande Mande, has no one to arrest, so he goes around looking for people sleeping so that he can arrest them for being idle then waits for them to not tuck in their shirts so he can add disorderly to the charge.

Now you want to give him 19 partners?

And now an abrupt ending because I have reached my word limit. See you next week.