I have never really been a fan of condoms.
However, I agree they are essential in this era of sexually transmitted infections especially HIV/Aids and Hepatitis B.
Yet in the wake of the Life Guard Condom saga, I have found the perfect excuse to abandon their use altogether.
If you have not heard about it, the National Drug Authority has recalled two batches of Life Guard condoms that were manufactured in April and May this year respectively.
The batches were found to be defective and in some cases there were reports of condom bursts.
The reports have put regular condom users on Bukenkeke (tenterhooks) and some users have already concluded that “kyabalidde” (it has eaten them).
One gentleman was seen shaking like a leaf in the aftermath of the reports.
This particular person was nicknamed “Mr Life Guard” because of his undying love for this particular brand of condoms.
He even had a boxer sewed out of the packs of Life Guard condoms.
After The Nile Post ran the story, he called the editor ten times in five minutes to confirm whether it was not an April Fools Day prank.
“It is not sir,” the editor politely replied further dampening the guy’s mood.
The guy insisted that may be “there was a typo” in the NDA statement and the authority was talking about “condos” not condoms.
The editor replied that the statement had been scrutinised and there was no mistake.
The guy hang up in disgust.
Another called the editor in shock hoping that the story was wrong.
“May be the Life Guard you meant is the person who saves people from drowning at public swimming pools,” the gentleman said.
“No,” the editor replied. “NDA talked about Life Guard, the condom brand.”
He was not done.
He quipped: “Why did they wait to tell us as we approach the festive season?”
The editor said he had no answer because he was not privy to the process that led to the NDA statement.
The caller sounding disappointed hang up.
Another cursed NDA and said he was considering suing them.
“Why did they release the statement? They should have kept quiet and no one should have noticed.
The Rogue is a satirical column that runs every TUESDAY on the Nile Post.
Contact the author on +256-788179369/+256-752195226