Body image affecting sex drive?

Before we got married, I noticed that my husband started to put on some weight. He says he can't stand the way his body looks and that it's just too much work for him to get aroused. Do you have any suggestions?

ANSWER

Your husband has ended up in a vicious cycle: The less desirable he feels, the more likely he is to "comfort" eat to feel better, which is causing him to put on extra weight and feel less desirable.

The good news is that this cycle can be broken.

Start with going for walks -- then take up an active hobby together, like dancing, swimming, tennis, sailing...you get the picture.

After you've got some activity built into your regular schedule, tackle your cupboards! Stop buying fatty or sugary items, and make sure your fridge and cupboards are stocked with healthy foods instead.

Next, boost his body image. Ask him to turn to you for a quick pep talk when he feels down -- just a phone call or email. He'll learn to talk rather than feed his emotions.

As for your sex life, keep talking. Be supportive and say you'd be happy with foreplay rather than full penetrative sex.

A happy sexual relationship is when you understand each other's needs and are prepared to give and take. Once he's a bit more active, eating better, and talking more, his sex drive may spike. But if he's still depressed, he may need further treatment through his doctor.