Why love seems to end after marriage

Jane had played with dolls like all her age mates until she was 6 years old, during this time she also played the mum and dad game with the neighbourhood kids ... as  a couple of mum and dad plus their kids cooking, playing a big family with uncles and aunties.

She became best friends with Ken who was just 2 years older but a tad bit mature for his age which appealed to Jane. She fell in love with Ken or she thought she did and spent the next twenty years fantasising about being married to him. They would meet during holidays as they went to different boarding schools during high school and reunited at campus where they became roommates.

All was rosy even after campus he was still sweet and faithful and so was she, they were compatible in every sense of the word. Parents approved, friends approved and most importantly they approved and got married two years later. Then it hit them that marriage wasn't what they had always pictured, it was a bumpy ride where only the patient and resilient win, they felt caged and suffocated. She had never slept with any other guy other than Ken and now it turns out they had to be together till death do them part. Everything changed, everything changed for the worst.

She started noticing how he chews with sound and an open mouth and suddenly it was a deal breaker, sex was stale all together, he also realised she actually snores and wasn't ready to miss sleep every night, even her food was tasteless, she didn't try to look good like before, he felt trapped with no more freedom to do whatever he wanted. Divorce was discussed and they both agreed it was time to let go. More than fifteen years of dating and 2 years into the marriage and they were ready to let go. They could no longer stand let alone respect each other.

Why did it fail so fast? One may be quick to point out "there were no kids involved" but have seen many leave more than three kids in search of God knows what. I think many women for one fixate on the wedding, not the marriage or the husband for that matter. (Jane fantasised about marriage all her life) They've been taught (by popular culture) since early childhood that getting married is the ultimate goal, it’s what makes a lady complete. Inconsolably, little thought is put into being married.

Loving till death do you part. As a result, many women have been planning their weddings far longer than they've known their fiancées- like the man they're marrying is just another accessory, like the dress or the hairstyle or the flowers. They already know where they want to get married, the dress, shoes and the groom just comes along to fit into the bubble. Sadly he'll still be there long after the hair has come down, the flowers have died, and the dress no longer fits, shoes lose their heel. By then it's too obvious they married the wrong person.

Most women are sadly infatuated with marriage. When they fall in love all they can think of is getting married, being with their husband, having romantic times together, starting a family, cooking for their husband's, having late night candle light dinners, walking around naked in the house or even in lingerie, trying out every sex position in the book, having beautiful babies, spending time with each other without anybody else being able to stop them.

Oh well the list goes on, only the parks about marriage never the inevitable challenges. Even when they do not like this person that much, the fact that they have been with them for long somehow certifies the next step for them to be marriage. Even when we know in our gut that he won’t be a good husband we still want them to ask us and we tend to say yes always.  From my limited knowledge 0.5 out of 100 women in Uganda have said no to a "would you marry me?"

Further in the marriage, the wife realises their once romantic husband has become someone they have to start living with forever and that is rather boring, not sexy at all….same food everyday with the same ingredients. Same sex positions and styles Nah. The relationship has gone from BEING IN LOVE which means all the fairy-tale sparks and romance to LOVING your husband. This does not mean that’s bad. Don't get it twisted.

It simply means that loving someone is way different than being in love. Where as being in love is deeper on an intimate level loving someone means much more. Loving someone means a bond you share where your spouse becomes your friend and you know and understand them inside and out. It also means that when you guys are apart you will miss each other terribly and you cannot seem to see them get hurt or you cannot see them go places without you.

I am mainly on the women because most men couldn't care less about marriage. To them being with the woman they want right now is enough because half the time they will desire another tomorrow so why tie themselves down to one with marriage. this doesn't exclude the few that want a family and love their wives and others who view marriage as the icing on the cake of success, when all is going well in your life, business is good and the money keeps coming in all you need is another accessory, a beautiful wife to have beautiful babies with and show off to the guys.

Some be texting their side chicks on their way to their wedding...it’s just a next step in life. Some however will nature their homes/marriage but a few years down the road, it takes a toll on them as a men. It’s harder because men seem to have more pressure on them, you cannot enjoy your freedom anymore, and the wife has to poke her nose in your business. In to the bargain, the wife may even compare you with her friend's husband.

"Sarah's husband takes her out every week, they even wash the utensils together, they plan vacations every six months, can you believes he cooks too I wish you were more like him" As the list goes on, he has to choose between his parents and wife + children (you know how guys are with their mothers), do not get me started on the job. With all this he is tense and may often come off as rude, as he brings the stress home more fights then he starts cheating where feels understood. The sad thing about this is even when he divorces and marries the side chick, chances are it will end the same way.

All in all we have to understand that marriage is forever not to divorce later when u start to get bored. You have to be prepared to be able to suffer with your husband /wife even if that means that both of you or even one of you gets bored of the marriage. When tough times come, romantic nights are limited and don't forget no more tight romantic cuddling (I lay behind your back or the occasional am horny baby). Yep the honeymoon phase can be over in the first months. But it doesn't mean it has to end.

All factors constant, if couples really stuck to the "till death do us part" as sown at the altar, went to counselling when it got out hand, let the small things slide many married couples would still be standing. Not without scares, pain, constant fights but with a victory smile of that too didn't break us.

#throughmyeyes