Museveni: "Forget opinion polls, my support is over 100%"

THE ROGUE

An opinion poll released over the weekend by one of the numerous research firms in the country has set tongues wagging.

According to the poll, President Museveni still remains in the lead with 32% but his support has dipped below the 50% mark.

Robert Kyagulanyi aka Bobi Wine scored 22% while Dr Kizza Besigye came third with 13%.

Now supporters of the three individuals have taken turns to tear the poll to shreds, some questioning its credibility.

The Rogue is not an expert on polls but is a keen follower of political events in the country.

From the corridors of power, I have gathered that Museveni is so angered by the new poll that very soon he is going to make a big announcement.

He has penned down a long missive whose gist is that his support is in fact more than 100%. Below is the draft of the missive which is still being refined:

Dear My Bazzukulu,

How are you? Let me hope that you are okay.

As you might have read somewhere, a poll released by an obscure firm put my current support at 32%.

At first, I had resisted to respond to the reports. I had decided to ignore it...you know I don't take certain things seriously...but one of my Muzukulu urged me to say something about the poll because apparently it had become the topic on social media which you young people like.

Let me go straight to the point because I don't want to bore you with a long statement.

I am not a mathematician or statistician but I have some knowledge when it comes to figures.

Remember, I started the bush war with 27 guns....I was one of the people who drafted the 10 point programme...URA sued to collect Shs 5 billion in 1986 now it collects Shs 17,000 billion...etc.

See, I know something about figures.

Ever since I took over power in 1986, every metric been going up. We now have more than 1000 MW of power, more than 5000KM of tarmac roads, enrolment at primary school level is more than 10 million, we now have 900,000 cars on the roads, mobile telephone connections are above 20 million.

Even my age has gone up from 40 something to 70 something today.

So if everything has increased, how do you then say that my political support has reduced?

Is the poll trying to insinuate that the more the country develops thanks to my wise leadership, the more my political support declines?

Does this make any logic or sense?

Even a P 2 child can see the lies peddled in the poll.

Let me ask the pollster: In 2011, I got 68%, in 2016, I scored 60%.

So if you add the two figures what is the answer?

128%! Isn't it?

Now add the support that I expect to get in 2021, my projection is that I will get 180% and above.

Therefore Bazzukulu any figure below 100% in 2021 will not be representative of my real support. So it is a fake poll.

In fact, I am on the way to breaking the record set by  former Iraq ruler Saddam Hussein.

Remember in 2002, Saddam was re-elected to another seven-year term as president by a 100% unanimous vote of all 11,445,638 eligible Iraqis. In 1995, he had scored the 99.96%.

So his support was growing until the Americans invaded his country and left it ruins.

So my Bazzukulu, I know that you still love me very much. Don't believe the lies peddled by some of my critics using fake polls. I am still strong. Be well and have a nice day.

Thank you,

Yours truly,

Chief Ssabalwanyi

 

 

The Rogue is a satirical column that runs once a week on The Nile Post.

Contact the author on +256-788179369/+256-752195226