Single life is fun, you do not have to answer to anyone, flirt as much as you wish, hang out regularly with friends, no heartache, different guys for different bills and on and on. But there comes a time when you need a genuine companion, a loving hug, curdling, that perfect love making from the one you love not just sex, not just a release but love making, then we start admiring those in love and in good relationships then we long for that deep connection.
The fact of the universe is that we all want love, to love and to be loved by people around us but most especially the special people we call spouse. The ones we choose; to date, hang out or even marry. Some people decide to be single because they are tired of the heartache, some are single because they can’t find love while for some it’s because of the small things we do or do not do;
Playing not just hard but too hard to get: Ladies love this and its screwed in our brains that we have to play hard to get for men to respect and value us. Now much as this is true, “easy come easy go” over playing hard to get gives the impression of… no way in hell am I going out with you.
Men may act tough but they too get hurt from rejection, if you like the guy, play hard to get but throw him a bone once in a while, show him you actually care but just need him to show you he really means it when he says he wants to go out with you. “Not meeting us halfway hurts, just a little bit of effort from the lady would be nice” Ethan
Always running to the next best, no compromise: This disease is mostly with the good looking ones, who never beg, never apologise, hardly call, always in the mirror minding more about how they look than the relationship, the I can literally have another you in a minute kind.
It’s hard to find a good looking person who has no other suitors despite being in a relationship half the time this makes them too cool for their actual relationship, why let Brian stress you yet you have Tony, Keith, Shadrach ready to step in, Jane is always available for me why let Sheila nag me, Jessica is not over me too, I can just go be with her.
In this you’re always on the move, no compromising no giving the relationship a chance. The list goes on at the end of the year you have slept with more than 20 people but are still single because you always running. Just because it is broken doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed, sometimes you have to stay and fix what’s wrong with the relationship not just run because could be the problem, and as you run, the problem goes with you.
Having a checklist: Waiting for the perfect guy who matches all the boxes, he has to be this and that she has to have this and that. Then there is this stuff of the right relationship has to be like this: if he doesn’t call you whole day it means this, if you have no nicknames then there is no love, when my friends ex did this he was cheating so Mike must also be cheating, if she does this then you’re being duped, she has a list of lovers.
Much as these apply to some relationships, it’s not a given because every relationship is different, it’s good to be cautious but do not take it as the gospel truth unless you have proof. Another cholera is comparing your relationship with your friends’ all the time, then having the relationship in the head not in the reality, boyfriend is supposed to call me in the morning to wish me a good day, then at lunch then before he sleeps, he must pay my rent, he must pay for my hair, when they fault on this you run or they run for safety in the first month.
Stereotyping: This goes with race, religion, height, skin complexion, jobs… short people are quarrelsome, I will never date them, Baganda are cheats, never date a muganda, lawyers are liars in and out of court, bankers are just show offs but in debt, women with big asses and the light skinned ones have many boyfriends among many. These maybe true in most cases but are not definite every person is unique and so is every relationship.
Do not fear approaching a girl you like and saying yes to a man you like over this stereotyping, at least be single because the relationship failed not because you couldn’t even start it.
Stinginess is a drag, don’t be a drag: Those who do not spend on themselves later alone their spouse even when they have the money. I recently read about a lady complaining that her husband is so stingy, they eat beans every day and have to share the plate in case they go out all in the name of saving.
Now if you do not have the money it’s understandable, but if you do but don’t share or spend it all bets are off, says Sandra.
Then ladies who can’t top up on anything even on a long journey and fuel in the car runs out and he has no cash on him you cannot top up, but would rather be stranded for hours until his friend comes to bail you out… not cool my sister, not cool. These scare off suitors in a jiffy.
Loving too much that your entire life is the relationship: Then you become clingy, possessive and obsessive. Where are you now? What are doing and with who? When are you coming back, I saw Nancy liking your photo on Facebook, is there something between you two now?
Always tight marking your spouse that they feel suffocated. This is more of shifting your insecurities on the other person, learn to love yourself today, be secure enough to believe the other person will stay on their own because they think you are special. In a relationship, try to have a life of your own, do not make your spouse your life or else you will scare them off.
Other cancers arewaiting for the perfect person, thinking every relationship should lead to marriage so if he doesn’t look marriage material you run(yet some people change for love, circumstances around them), always right never apologising, controlling, miss perfect , egocentric- we have to do it my way always, dating for others, Falling in love with a fantasy and then not putting in the work in the relationship.
If something needs to be fixed, discussed, resolved, or adjusted then the relationship is too hard for you and you run, fear of being dumped- of things not working out again, take a leap of faith today, you already know the worst case scenarios, what’s the worst that can happen.
Materialistic- going out with sugar daddies and sugar mummies because the broke ones don’t work for you and since they are married, you are still single and worse by the time you want to settle down all the nice ones are taken.
Some of the reasons are not of your doing like being jilted at the altar, boyfriend/girlfriend cheating with your sister or best friend, trauma from rape especially makes one reject the opposite sex, thus not giving love a chance; for this counselling helps plus a relationship that starts from a deep friendship would be best, here you trust the person to a bigger percentage.
These may not be of your doing but they shouldn’t define you, try counselling and take a leap, not all guys are cheats, also keep in mind some relationships are for lessons.
Family background, look around your family if none of your beautiful sisters is married your aunties, your father, mother, your brothers I mean church marriage or even just a surviving relationship between just two people with no co-wives, all your relationships keep failing over the smallest reasons then my sister, brother you need some church, go to a good church, you need healing only God can do that for you.
It’s one thing to decide to be single for a while but another to always fail at relationships or fear love over avoidable reasons.