New love is the best, you are all giddy ,lovey dovey, smiley smiley, love emojis every text end , no baggage, you still do not know much about the other person that could stress you and you are falling or have already fallen for them and want to take things to the next level.
When you finally find that one person you can really see a future with, it has to be a lot more personal than just their likes, dislikes, and hobbies if you are thinking of taking things to the next level. One needs to get to know the other person on a deeper and more intimate level because now there is a lot more at stake. When the smarty pants in you strikes pause, something is not right, I think am moving too first, you have ask the right questions and ask them without making the other feel like it’s an interrogation.
When you are ready to ask these questions, keep in mind that the other person may not be ready for the next level and you may or may not like the answers. That said you should be willing to stay or go when this happens.
You have to listen not just hear and pick out what works for you, you have to listen without judgment because the other person is trying to communicate their truth, listen keenly and believe them; when someone shows you their true colours the first time believe them.
Hereafter if you choose to stay at least you know what you getting yourself into, if what they say is not what you expected to hear, at least you will be prepared emotionally. It’s also best to end it in the first months than in two years after having invested your time if you do not like the answers.
The easiest and most vital question is; what are we to each other? What are we doing? What do you want out of this relationship…In other words, where is this going? Some people go out for years and are not even girlfriend and boyfriend, one side may think they are dating yet the other views it differently.
If you’re going to take your relationship to the next level, you need to be on the same page. Both of you could have a different idea of what ‘the next level’ means or is. Therefore, it’s important that you communicate and ask them what they want out of the relationship or who you are to them moving forward.
It’s paramount so you and your partner know what to expect from each other and how to fulfil each other’s needs. One may just want to move in, for another relationship it could be that now they can have sex or stay over, next level could also mean you are now boyfriend and girlfriend, it could also mean to have kids right away and the other wedding before kids or moving in or continue living separately that it’s too soon and is not even ready for next level status. Ask so you are prepared.
Where do you see yourself in five years, is an open question that could go anywhere and is geared to finding out how ambitious one is or if they are still figuring out there life and no sense of direction which is dangerous for the relationship.
Things don’t always turn out as we plan, one with no plan for life today may turn their life around tomorrow and accomplish more than one who has always had a plan but it means and carries more weight when one has a plan in life.
It most importantly means they have a plan for you and the relationship and much as it may not work out, at least their intentions were good; “Better a broke guy with a dream than an employed one with no ambition, no plan and no investment mind,” says Sheila.
What is their idea of cheating, is it flirting, sexting or porn; cheating is defined differently by different people. It’s not just physical cheating, there are other things to look out for like emotional cheating and financial infidelity. If you’re about ready to take your relationship to the next level, you need to be on the same page about what counts as cheating.
Few things can destroy a relationship like jealousy, broke-ness, selfishness, disrespect but infidelity has always been a deal breaker for many, so it’s crucial that you and your partner understand where you draw the line on ideas like texting other people all the time or watching porn, watching football all the time and treating her like the side dish and football is the wife.
Truth is as uncomfortable as this conversation may be, it is infinitely better than the alternative, so make sure you and your partner appreciate each other’s stance on cheating.
What do you like most about me and about our relationship, what do you value most. “This question is helpful to ask because it allows our partner the space to acknowledge the strengths they see in the relationship, while also understanding what we might be able to tend to a little bit more,” Lisa Olivera, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
According to her, people often get stuck in the same routines and patterns. When you’re too comfortable in your relationship, it’s easy to take your partner or your relationship for granted, asking this question facilitates a conversation about what’s going well and what we’re doing right, which can help bring us closer together in the hustle called making a relationship work. She says. It can also lead to a conversation about what needs improvement and how Much
Sometimes one doesn’t need to ask because all is clear, their actions are explicit …….observe it’s important to ask but also observe for yourself how your partner copes with difficult emotions, relational situations, and conflict,” Williamson says.
This will give you an idea of how they will cope with these things in the relationship with you. For instance, does your partner avoid conflict at all costs, to the point that issues don’t get resolved? Or does your partner lash out or shut down when they become angry? Do they tell on you to friends/family instead of talking to you directly? It’s important to have open and honest communication about these issues and how you both want to handle them in a long-term, committed relationship, in order to avoid disconnection and intense conflict down the road, says a love therapist.
How much honesty do they believe is actually needed in a relationship? Do you think a couple’s finances should be together or separate? How big of a role does spirituality or religion play in their life? What is their view on dividing up chores at home? How do you think you’ve changed over the past few years? What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you and how did it change you – this shows someone who now appreciates life’s little things and you (relationship) most likely, How do you deal with difficult situations? Why Didn’t Your Last Relationship Work Out? – This helps you to check your self-least your relationship ends in the same way, also the reason they ended a relationship could be a deal breaker for you too for example, if she left because the guy lost his job or he left because she had an accident and was no longer pretty among many getting an answer to all these helps a great deal.
You don’t have to ask your partner every single one of these questions all at once, also most of these questions are for the other party but you too have to ask yourself all the above and then some.
For starters, do I want to settle with this kind of person, if things get out of hand will he be a good father later on good mother, are they responsible enough, if my parents opposed the relationship would I choose my spouse over them, do they make me a better person, am I loosing friends and alienating family for them and if so am I okay with it, do I want this to last? Do I even trust them, can I stand his family and friends and if not is it a deal breaker or do I love them more than the irritation and the whole nine yards. Ask least you are caught in the had I known song of misery.
It’s easy to just go with the flow and enjoy the beautiful moments after all, if you really love someone and your relationship is unlike anything you’ve ever been in, why wait? Why not just go to the next level. To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with that (not waiting) but according to experts, taking your relationship to the next level shouldn’t be taken lightly or else you will crush and burn, burn hard .
These questions help you weigh pros and cons of the relationship early on so one is prepared and maybe can move on earlier on if you not on the same page. Nevertheless, things change. What one believes, thinks or wishes today may not be the same tomorrow but knowing what to expect surely eases all. At least you asked, things didn’t turn out right but at least you tried to protect yourself.