Why married you, shouldn't have a best friend of the opposite sex

Do you take Laura  as your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?" Yes I do; you may now kiss the bride- the priest/pastor echoes after you have signed the marriage certificate and you are officially husband and wife licenced to love and cherish each other in truth until the inevitable-death.

This is all beautiful and it will be for the first few months then in comes stress because for some reason dating, cohabiting, fornicating are different; there is just something different and stressing, very stressing about marriage which may prompt you to involve a third party for advise please do not let it be Nancy your beautiful co-worker you call best friend and my sister, not Darius your well-dressed so called best friend since high school, this is not only risky for you(in case you catch feelings) but for the relationship (the hell your husband will raise out of jealousy when he finds out).

Sexual relationships stem from an emotional intimacy with one of the opposite sex, then comes love and sex whichever comes first for the couple. It comes from sharing very intimate details of your life which is now your married life  (keep in mind that's how the relationship with your current spouse started, by sharing intimate details about yourselves) the things that annoy or put you off you are now telling a stranger thus driving a wedge between you and your spouse.

When we talk to our supposed single best friends of the opposed sex about our marital problems especially what the other did wrong, we tend to leave out what we actually did wrong thus covering up our mess and in the end no growth or lesson learnt for us and worse we enable this person to be disrespectful to our better half's.

When a man tells all his wife's mistakes to his single female best friend, he gives her power over the wife and vice versa which is very wrong. A wife/husband is supposed to defend the other in the street and reprimand them at home and not tell who ever can listen all their shortcomings.

Genesis 2; 24 that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife and they become one. Thus any stress factor or happiness in your life should now be shared with your other half any connections, understanding that you desire with another, instead should be directed towards your wife/husband.

Those connections help in making your marriage stronger and vibrant, they cause one’s marriage to go from just surviving to thriving. When you engage a third party in any relationship its bound to lead to problems because truthfully three is a crowd. When they find out about this close friend of the opposed sex there will be many unsaid things, bitterness, resentment all of which will strain your marriage.

I believe that if you want someone to change, you sit them down and talk to them not the entire village or your best friend of the opposite sex, then they can change and if they do not change, a Councillor maybe a better person to talk to, not that single best friend who has failed to settle down or divorcee who has already failed in marriage.

I wouldn't recommend your family members either because they are bound to be biased thus won’t treat the problem. Most importantly do not bottle up everything because that normally leads to anger outbursts or even violence. The violence will not only strain the marriage but also traumatise your children.

Genesis 2; 18 says "it’s not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him" notice He did not say companions, it means your wife is enough and so is your husband. Many marrieds insist on having a friend of the opposite sex with the excuse that it helps them understand their spouse when they get a different perspective on things from one of the same sex with your spouse while others say it helps them feel attractive in a time when the marriage is strained and stale, when you are not appreciated at home, when all you do seems wrong when you have this other person that always listens and takes your side it raises your spirits why not engage them...

This looks great on paper and solves the problem for the moment but  remember there consequences to your actions, this is how people catch feelings and  before you know it you are cheating and a marriages broken with the most innocent who are your kids suffering through this broken family.

Practice empathy, I do not think there is anyone in a relationship who wants their spouse to have a close friend of the opposite sex to tell all or go to for advise and be comforted by another thus  if you do not want it done to you do not do it to your spouse. The reason you are seeking your friend is because you are frustrated in the marriage but instead of investing your time with someone else, invest it in your wife/husband, in your marriage with your children, your family.

Most fights in a marriage are because the husband finds the wife disrespectful but remember when a wife is happy submission comes naturally so pamper your wife, treat her with respect especially in front of the house-help, consult her on important decisions even if it’s just to show off your intelligence and prowess with what you have already achieved and then she will pamper you in return, she will respect you until death do you part.

Married you, should be weary of that single best friend.

#throughmyeyes