When it Hurts but you must quit the relationship

Rema’s song Silli Muyembe has hit the waves and it’s on fire, the vocals are on point, musical instruments well blended and all sounds nice but it’s the message, it’s that message. In the song she cautions her partner to make their relationship formal and stop taking her for granted or else he may wake up when it’s too late. Many will say she is venting and it’s her story and maybe it’s true maybe her personal life inspired it or not, but let’s make it our own because we have all been there.

An old friend, a tough nut to crack finally fell in love with this Richie guy, I didn’t even like his name it smelled cheat, cheat, cheat am about to cheat on you, ohm I will definitely cheat on you just trouble because believe me you, he did cheat, cheat and cheat until she finally pulled the plug on their relationship of three years.

Vanel was so in love that despite everything he did she forgave him; he never introduced her to anyone important in his life, never took her out but treated her like his maid always cleaning and cooking while he slept around, cheated east west and centre she had to stalk him on social media and fight off lady friends, never thoughtful in anyway and the worst of them all, he stole from her because believe me, cheating hurts but when your man steals from you, it hurts like a bitch.

Vanel fought with everything she had to end the relationship, she was a smart lady Lawyer by profession and successful at it, she always saw right through people and tore them apart in court but not him. After finding out about his cheating and putting it all together in her head that she deserved better, it took her two long years to pull the plug on the relationship. Yes two years listening to everyone in her life tell her she deserved better like she didn’t know, telling her the relationship was toxic like she didn’t live it… she lived it and the lawyer in her had hard cold evidence to win the case but the damn heart that gives us so much joy when we are with the person we love regardless of whether they love us or not couldn’t let go.

She loved herself’ she was smart, beautiful and successful one might say she had it all and could easily get one better. Vanel however couldn’t let go, she knew it all believed it but still couldn’t let go because it hurt to be with him and it hurt much worse to be without him. Whenever he was out there it hurt to imagine what he might be doing with other girls while around it hurt that she knew he was here but could soon go and do God knows what, that she wasn’t enough for him. She nursed the idea that he would change and recognise no woman will ever love him like she did to no avail.

Many are quick to advise just leave him/her if they don’t treat you right they do not deserve you which is  100% correct. Sadly half the time these people do not hurt us intentionally , other times they are genuinely not yet ready to settle despite the love they may have for us and sometimes it’s just not meant to be or it’s a much needed lesson for the future we must go through and the whole nine  yards.

So, how do you walk away from a love that is going nowhere; it hurts and its going to hurt so take your time as long as it’s not an abusive relationship(physically and emotionally) do whatever you think you must and after the last straw you will never look back. Sounds weird huh,  many will say run right away which is also very okay but when we do this we tend to go back to these relationships when the other “seemingly” realises what they lost and comes back and later it’s the same old toxic story. But if you take your time (not too long) you will never go back and it will hurt less being without them. After the two years, it took Vanel barely 100 days to get over it all, you may not be so lucky but at least you won’t go back to that toxic relationship.

Vanel is now in a relationship with two kids to count, a relationship with ups and downs but with lots of love, kindness, respect. She looks back from time to time and muses that maybe if she hadn’t suffered that much at the hands of Richie, she wouldn’t appreciate Adrian this much.

#throughmyeyes