Surviving a break up: Ladies first be smart, then cry later

A leopard never changes its spots, it echoed in the room for the 100th time. The walls said it in unison louder each time, a leopard never changes its spots over and over, she knew it then but believed it more than anything now.

She had been sitting on the cold tiles butt naked for an hour or so but didn't even feel the cold. She had nowhere to go, she had quit her job for him, lost friends for him, at loggerheads with her parents for him, had put her kids in danger all because she loved him and the sex was great. That man was a tiger in bed. Made her feel like a queen, worshiped her body praised it with each kiss and caress, whispered what he wanted to do to her which brought her to the edge every time they made love and she wasn't sure what she loved more, the sex or the foreplay, during these moments she looked forward to the next time and couldn't imagine life with another man later alone without him.

He owned her sex life, reigned in every sexual fantasy of hers. They say what keeps a man is good sex but in this case what kept Lauren around most was the sex ohh my ...ohh my, when the sex is good, you can easily compromise on other things.

Henry had cheated on her once again, he had cheated on her. Lauren still couldn't fathom it, how could they connect so much sexually and one other grounds and feel like one, yet he can easily go connect with that butt less Jennifer. Lauren wondered how she always thought they belonged to each other, she rode him to madness every time she was on top, the alpha male was always left spent and satiated  when she rode him, she thought no woman would ever do that to him, make him feel the things he felt with her, in these moments, he would tell her he loved her more than anything that theirs was the forever kind of love, he would confess things about him most men wouldn't, he would promise her the whole world and indeed fulfil his promises the next day.

She based her trust on those moments, he wouldn't want any other woman even touching him, but Lauren was wrong. He had done it again, once a cheater always a cheater. Now she was in the bathroom under the cold water and barely feeling it. The walls still echoed a leopard doesn't change its spots.

Before they had Abigail and Aron their two beautiful kids, he had cheated on her and when she found out he promised never to do it again and she believed him. Lauren accepted it as punishment... Karma as Henry had a girlfriend when they met and he left her for Lauren but this thing with Jennifer all bets were off.

Lauren was in love, would do anything for this love and family but not hurt herself. She had sacrificed all for him, Henry is a very possessive man so she let go of most of her friends and always fought with her family to defend him. She didn't regret it, one bit because she did it for love but wasn't going to sit around and tolerate his infidelity. As she was gearing up for the inevitable confrontation she realized she didn't want him anymore. So the fight wouldn't change a thing.

She left the bathroom 45 minutes later all eyes puffy from crying under the shower, she loved him and it hurt like a fresh wound except she wouldn't treat it with tabs. She had no idea what her life would be like now. She had made him the centre of her life. While at it, she remembered her friend still living with her ground ma in the village because the boyfriend kicked her out the moment she became pregnant (she never looked for a job as he provided all), her old classmate who left her upcountry job because the boyfriend was jealous only to be chucked just weeks later and kicked out of the house with nowhere to go.

Rachel didn't even have time to pick her clothes as on returning from work upcountry the boyfriend had shifted with all their things including her furniture and inner garments (what man steals ladies underwear?)

With this, she didn't disclose what she found, it was a sex tape with the so-called Jennifer, and doing things to her she thought he only ever did to her. Made love to her with the same energy, except for the whispers and cuddling after, the rest was the same. This hurts the most.

But like the smart woman she was, Lauren didn't go all crazy on him and break all the stuff in the house like last time. She kept quiet about it. Faked an illness so she wouldn't have with him sex, made him unknowingly authorize the bank to give her money and emptied half of the money in their joint account, she would have taken it all out of spite but it wasn't about the money.

She looked for a job, luckily she was from a rich family and with her connections she got one and was to start in eight weeks. She rented a house near her new workplace for her and the kids and moved out a month later with a note next to the sex tape on the centre table.

"Henry I have loved you really loved you, but I love myself more" With is an annulment of their marriage she left Henry for good. In the new apartment, she allowed herself to grieve. She took the kids to school in the morning and like clockwork came back home and cried her eyes out. Two weeks later when she felt she had no more tears to cry, she got a maid and was now set to go to work and start a new life. Unlike her friends, she was heartbroken but not hungry and desperate too.

The reality is breakups are inevitable but they shouldn't end your life. Not in the literal sense of death but end in the sense that you are alive but not living. Most times women let their emotions take over and lose sight of what is most important, life after the sometimes inevitable end of a relationship. We ought to wake up and be smart about it, most women have been left homeless with a bunch of kids they gave birth to in hopes of tying the man down. Kids are not bad, do not get me wrong but have those you can afford not for the sake of keeping a marriage.

If you are sure there is no point of reconciliation, be smart and conscious about it. Consult lawyers, distant friends any and all advice is paramount. Many have lost houses they bought with their husbands because they instead resorted to insults, crying and having a pity party.  Insulting the new woman will certainly relieve some of the pain, giving her a piece of your mind will most definitely but it won’t pay the bills. It’s no secret that men bear most if not all the woman's expenses after marriage so with the breakup that will be gone. You are allowed to grieve and granted that time the brain most times ceases to be of help as the heart is in so much pain but as soon as you snap out of it, be smart, fight for your future.

Into the bargain for the young couples when buying land and other major assets do not put them in your spouse’s name and you should both be signatories. Even when in a good relationship him paying for everything save some KA money.

In truth Henry loved her, his life was never the same after Lauren left him; sadly women are normally the ones left behind especially after they give birth. Research shows 75% of the men preferring younger spouses when they reach their forties, this prompts them to cheat or take on new and young wives thus leaving the old one. With this women ought to live in the moment, enjoy the love but also save for the rainy day.

No they did not reconcile but the happy ever after is, Lauren didn't end up on the street, as possessive as Henry was, he would have cut off the money in order to keep her around, she had no job, their house was also in his names she wouldn't go home or to the family as she chose Henry over them and they still wouldn't forgive her.

When the heart fails you, when your spouse fails you,  fast act smart and cry later. Even when emotions take over, as soon as you heal, get back out there, work harder the hustle is real and it eventually yields positive results.

#throughmyeyes