Why “happily” married women are cheating

Jaq Deweyi

Generally speaking especially in the African society, when men cheat it’s not news but when a woman does, it raises an eye brow.

However, it’s becoming common for women to cheat going by social media, relationship shows on radio and TV, taxi conversations and the common situations in relationship columns.

Moreover, according to the demographics of cheating in America, a 2018 report by the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), “…among ever married adults between 18 and 29, women are slightly more likely than men to be guilty of infidelity. “

For me, whatever your reasons, staying in a marriage with a secret lover is just selfishness because you want to have them both. I had a similar conversation with my friends at HP Beauty Spot this week; I asked them: “Why would a committed religious woman, happy go lucky, happily married to an equally great man, with a beautiful family and thriving career cheat?”

Their opinions which inspired this post might help save a marriage or relationship, don’t read alone.

Keeping up appearances.

According to Miss Uganda 2008, Dorah Mwima Barrack, “you can’t be happily married and cheat!” Which I partially agree with, if a woman is happy and contented with a man, she won’t even think about cheating, she will instead report any attempts made by other men to confuse her immediately.

So, perhaps, a married woman that is cheating is happily settled but not happily married, though she may portray a picture perfect marriage for the public because happiness can’t be faked. You are either happy or not!

Bad sex

Fashion designer and beautician Renzioni, without mincing words said: “When people get used to each other, the relationship becomes boring, they start dressing unpleasantly and only wait for the bedroom to get busy, yet the entire house can be used for adventure from the kitchen, living room, corridor, bathroom and even the garage!”

Hmmm… a lot of us seemed to agree with him.  If indeed there was real love in that relationship and financial freedom, then the only reason a woman would go out is to try out something more than the husband can give.

Sexual dissatisfaction is an actual deal breaker in a lot of marriages and relationships.

Adventure

For some women there’s actually nothing wrong  with the man or relationship, it’s just the need to explore and see if there’s more than their partner can provide, especially those from very conservative and strict back grounds, with all due respect.

I have been reading “Marriage under cover by Bob and Audrey Meisner” a prominent preacher who confesses that for her, cheating was out of exploration and nothing more.

She loves God, knew that infidelity was against biblical teachings and loved her husband, still does, but she just wanted to know what it was like to get involved with a bad boy, be a bad girl that can cheat and she did it. Now she has the experience, paid the price and she is back to being the good wife.

Need for attention

Having everything you need for a comfortable life as long as money can buy it isn’t enough to protect a marriage.

You need more than material things to make each other contented, even if the children come, stay affectionate towards each other, don’t stop being playful together and keep the fire burning.

“Unfortunately, for a lot of men, after marrying a woman, the pampering stops and that’s how the devil sends a Mr. Nice Guy to fill up the gaps whenever hubby is a way…” said Charlie, an online reader of this column and Facebook friend. So, yes it starts with fear, once, twice, comfort kicks in and it becomes a habit.

Revenge

Cheating is indeed a dream stealer, some women are actually very nice, loyal and very faithful but their partners who constantly cheat turn them in to monsters.

They try to pay back in the same currency, to stop the pain of betrayal, hoping it will feel better and what started as a revenge cheating mission, turns into a real destructive affair.

I am told they call them “pain killers”, an antidote for whenever the husband comes home late, gets home with lipstick on the shirt, hides to take a phone call and every time he does anything frustrating.

What we need to know is that, cheating is cheating. Whether emotionally, once or twice, once done, it can’t be undone, it has happened.

You can only confess or stop and fix your marriage before it’s too late because you are only hurting your body and not changing anything.

If all fails, then get out of that relationship and start afresh with a new person, yes #NEW because once you are done with that marriage, that side dish won’t want you either, they can’t be sure you won’t cheat on them too.

 

 

 

 

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